“The search for perfection begins with detecting imperfection.”
Perfection is the goal that keeps us from all other goals. It is the obstacle I face whenever I am motivated to do something productive, especially when it comes to Islam. I always hope and dream to be a better Muslim, planning the next step to increase my iman, to become the 'perfect Muslimah.'
But at that exact moment, the moment of clarity, the moment I realize I want to, no, NEED to become closer to Allah (swt), NEED to obey his commands, NEED to get into Jannah, I am slapped in the face by reality: there is no possible way I am going to be a perfect Muslim. I am so utterly imperfect that perfection shouldn't even be in my vocabulary. How can I possibly just change overnight? How can I learn all the rules and etiquettes of Islam and apply them to my life, all day, every day? How can I erase my tainted past? The answer is simple.
I can't be perfect, not a perfect Muslim, not a perfect anything. And that is what gets in my way. I feel defeated and hopeless. All my hopes and dreams of being a better Muslim are thrown out the window and I watch them slowly fall towards the earth and shatter to pieces. It's a never-ending cycle, because by the time I am able to put the pieces back together, I once again realize my impossible goal and throw everything back out the window.
But not this time, Inshallah, because I realized that my goal of perfection was in fact my obstacle. Instead of aiming to be the perfect Muslim, I am simply going to try and be a better Muslim today than I was yesterday, even if it means doing one more thing than the day before, even if it means one extra smile. I will tweak myself, one imperfection at a time.
Alhamdulillah, today I took a step I wanted to take for a long time: writing about Islam. I was afraid of what people would think, wonder why I, of all people, was writing about religion, the girl who doesn't even wear a hijaab, the girl who probably seems that exact opposite of religion, the girl who isn't perfect enough to write about Islam. But I realized I was getting in the way of my own realistic goal. This blog is, first and foremost, a motivation for myself, something I can use to track my thoughts, my goals, my hopes of becoming a better Muslim. And if someone else can take something positive from my writing, then Alhamdulillah.
May Allah (swt) guide us all to the straight path and help us climb the staircase to Jannah.
Until next time...